on accepting & letting go...

Sorry for being MIA for a few days. The weather has been quite erratic--rain, sun, clouds, rain, rain...sun! And because of this I think that I've been a little sluggish. I do not like it one bit but what can you do. Nothing. Matter of fact I'm not the only one who is feeling like this, Sebastian has not wanted to wake up the past couple days. Doesn't matter what I do--sing the wake up song, give him kisses or even give him a little shake...I said little. Nothing would get him to even open one eye. What am I suppose to do when I need him to wake up to get him ready for daycare and is not giving me any sign of consciousness, I get him ready while he is sleeping! Yep. That's what I did. I got his diaper changed and him dressed from head to toe without him waking up and even put him into the car too. So yes, Sebastian is in the same boat as his momma :)

There has been a few moments in life right now that have showed me how much I'm done caring. I've said this before, I know I have. But I was swept up into it again. See it might sound selfish of me to say this but if you know my story and the current drama that has been on and off in my family you would understand. If you don't, maybe some day you will but as of right now I won't tell you my story. Not because I am ashamed or simply don't have the courage too. It's because when I think about all that went down in the past I get angry. Mainly angry towards one person and their evil doings but I get like that. And I don't like too. A big doing in me moving across country from my hometown was to get away from that negative energy that was always around everywhere I went. Although I haven't technically escaped...
If you know me, you know that I am very headstrong and outspoken. I have strong opinions, especially about people. If I don't like what I see I tell it like it is. That is just how I work.
I'm a big sister. I've been protecting my little sister for half her life. The half that has not been so steady and supportive. Tried to guide and help with conflict or advise. I've been working so hard to help steer her in the right direction. So, hard that I will lay in bed at night thinking about what she is doing, who she is with, how are her grades, is she doing drugs...aaaaand many more discomforting thoughts. All thoughts a parent thinks. I've been thinking these thoughts way before I even became a parent myself so, you know that she is pretty important to me.
I'm at the point now that I am out of energy. I'm exhausted with worry. And frankly, I'm done doing it. I'll be honest and say that I don't agree with what she is doing and how she treats situations. People say, "Oh she is a teenager". Yeah, I'm well aware she is a teenager but right now is what shapes her to be the person she will become in the future. I've tried. She will live her life and when it comes time she will realize that I was right. Just like I've come to realize my father was right about so many things. It's part of growing up, is it not? Am I being ridiculous? Tell me if I am. Is it selfish for me to completly stop caring?
This is were I have to say that I give mad props to my father! How does he do this? I was quite a handful when I was younger for different reasons altogether but still how does he do it. I mean I'm across the world and I CANT STAND IT!
On the flip side, for sake of argument--I do deep down have some regret. Because I know in my heart of hearts that if I would have never moved, all this drama would not be going on. I would of kept on doing what I was doing a few years back and kept everything undercontrol and be the almighty enforcer.
Soooo that's what I've been battling this week. Joy. It never stops for me. I need to have some sort of different mind set about all of this because crying and worrying over something that I've realized I can't control even if I try with everything I have, it still won't change a damn thing!
Anyways, don't ask me how things are going with my sister...I don't know. I don't know who she is or what she is doing. I just don't know. I don't care. Don't ask because I won't answer. (Or I just might burst into tears, I don't think you want that.)

On a more lighter note, and boy does this post need it right about now, I have the most shocking, amazing & exciting news to share with all of you...BUT I can't yet. Don't you love me. It's not 100% set in stone right this moment and most likely will be after this weekend. I know if I share this thrilling news with you and it ends up falling through I will probably want to dig a hole, climb into it and die! So, your most likely asking yourself why the heck did I just bring this up when I really won't even tell. It's because I'm teasing you. And it makes me feel better :)

This weekend will be one of those blah ones once again. Bobby is working tomorrow but only during the day. Which sounds so much better than night! Tomorrow Sebastian and I will be hanging out, cleaning some, and doing a few light errands. Sunday will be food shopping day, which I am super excited for since we NEED food. Also because for Mother's Day I got the best ever Vegetarian cook book from the mum inlaw. It looks like this...

The wonderful thing about it is that there are more than 100 reciepes and with pictures with every one of them! That's what I love about it. You will be happy that I am going to be documenting every reciepe that I attempt from this lovely book so that you, dear reader can go and whip up some of these delish foods. Aaaaand see for yourself that Vegetarianism can actually taste great :-p

When I think that just next weekend Bobby and I will be finally going to MMRBQ a big huge grin forms on my face! I've wanted to go evey year that I've lived here but never got around to it. We will be going with Chris, Bobby's little bro, who is bringing along a few of his buddies. Rock 'n' Roll baby.

The annual Ford Car Show in Carlisle Pennsylvania will be occuring on June 4th-6th. This little trip has become a tradition for our little family :) One that we always have a great time at. Sebastian went for the first time last year (not including the time before when he was in my belly--which wasn't as fun...8 months preggo in 100 degree heat=not fun!), and he had a ball. I think each year will be better and better with the older Sebastian gets. Especially when he realizes that Daddy has a rockin' car that eveyone drools over :)

Last night was the season finalle of Vampire Diaries. It was sooooooo good. I was on the edge of my seat with my phone in my hand so I was able to text Courtney every time something crazy happend. They did a great job and the end was so overwhelming that I was jumping up and down screaming at myself for the show totally being amazingly unexpected. I even had to call Court at the end of the show and do a recap of all the events. We are both going to have an extreme withdrawl without our show this summer!

I would like to end tonight with a wonderful invention that I found at The Deli Garage:

It would be very bad for me to get my fingers on this stuff for if you came over you would find me in a pile of shinny gold covered food!

♥A.

on some things I am loving...

These are my lovies...

That is me, with my beautiful artwork that Sebastian made at daycare for Mother's Day :) I love it, it's even laminated!! My Mother's Day was wonderful and the 2nd one of many. Which by the way makes my belly fill with butterflies! I got spoiled with new summer ankle skinny jeans from New York and Company, new balle flats from DSW plus of course some lovely flowers that are now displayed in my kitchen. We spent the day at the in-laws with all the family together. Something I always enjoy doing.

(via shey[b])

This camera strap slip cover. Really unquie and it would totally spice up my camera.

(via designedtodesign)

The headboard is so dreamy. Don't you think? I would love to have my guest room theme with this sort of display.

(via ohjoyeats)

If you think that I made this cake... I'm flattered. But not this time. This would of been perfect for Mother's Day. Don't ya think?

Ian Somerhalder, the bad boy vampire from Vampire Diaries is the hunky man who has been taking my dreams hostage lately. Now picture him with fangs and I melt...is that normal?!

So, have you had Red Velvet Cake? I bought a Red Velvet Cake Roll at Wegmans. Wegmans has the best ever dessert and when I'm running around like crazy and finding that I have no time I always go there to pick up something delicious! Red Velvet Cake is really the best cake ever evented & will be making it my default birthday cake from now on. Just letting you know.

(via youaremyfave)

Braids! I can't wait to reach a length just so I can do some cute braids like this one. I love the side braids that the celebs are sporting these days. I'll get there one day. I promise!!

What are your lovies at the moment?

♥A.

on some notables...

First I would like to announce that Sebastian went pee-pee on his potty for the first time monday night :) We usually have him sit down on his Elmo Potty before every bathtime and encourage him to try to tinkle. However lastnight he plopped down and started spurting along, with doing so he was looking down in facination. Of course Bobby and I were hysterical, clapping our hands and cheering him on. He just looked at us beaming with accomplishment and with a smile that could light up the world! I'm so proud of my big boy :)

Every morning I listen to our local rock stations morning show, which is the best thing ever and makes my morning! The guys are hilarious and it's actually very informing. So they talked about Monday night's Phillies game against the Cardinals and what craziness went on & just because I was sitting in the car cracking up with laughter I have to share with you (if you didn't hear or watch the game that is, if you have disregard this. thanks).

Pictures says 1000 words. Mind you I didn't watch the game and heard this on the radio but as the guys, Preston & Steve on WMMR described the events-- this is actully what I saw! A 17 year old kid jumps down on the field serpentining & zig zagging around while a couple securitey guards chased after. The guard shot his stun gun twice & missing but the third was a direct hit. The kid pretty much toppled over in an instant! Take a look...

I guess they are doing an investigation to see if the use of a the stun gun was necessary or not. I don't know about you but I think it was legit. First of all how else would they have stopped the kid. Tackle him? I'm sure if that would of happened he would be experiencing a broken arm or ribs. Listen, from the picture above the kid had to of known what was coming. Obviously the kid was stupid but I give him mad props. And the crowd thought so too! No doubt the kid is going to be a legend at school. That is when he is allowed back! Not only did this happen Monday night but again lastnight, with no tazer this time...geez Phillies fans are crazy!

Today I got off work early to take Sebastian to see an audiologist. It was just something that we needed to do for our own self comfort. Since Sebastian's speech is moving at a slower rate than what they say it should be, we wanted to rule out any hearing problems. Mind you the kid is most definitly NOT deaf, he hears perfectly fine when talked to (listening to what we say is a completely different thing!!). Let me tell you my friend, I was a nervious wreck all day! Not because I think he is deaf or anything of that sort but because I've never been to an audiologist...What is an audiologist do? What are they going to do to my baby????!!!!!!! Are just a few things that were running through my head. I was just freaking out because I had no idea what the procedure was going to be and was going into this thing blind as a bat. Not my cup of tea. But we got there with plenty of time for me to fill out paperwork and hyperventillate...Bobby was there thank god to calm me down and tell me everything is alright. And it was. After going the doctor looked inside his ears and after Sebastian going into a tiny little soundproof room with no air and hot has hell with me--they played different sounds and watched how he reacted to each sound. Which he did just fine. I was just glad to get out of the room, I truely thought I was going to die inside an audiology soundproof room. But I didn't. The doctor came back out after reviewing everything and assured us that Sebastian's hearing is 100% perfect :) Big relief off my shoulders and conscience. Thank you audiologist!

I've finished my book Lover Avenged by J.R Ward. However, Lover Mine the next book is still not out for the Kindle. I'm very dissapointed about that but hey, what can you do? I can write so many emails...they were nice enough to discount the paper back version for me but I'm sorry I want it on my Kindle. So I will wait. I guess. As of right now I have started Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I've heard from many people that it was a great book and I agree already. I'm hooked. I love her and the way she writes. I'm only in the beginning and I already admire how she is so blunt and honest with her life and with the reader about things that she chooses not to share about her life. Very cool. I'm so excited to get more indepth into her grand adventure!

I'll be having a hot date this Saturday. That's right! Date night for us :) Movie and dinner. We've decided that the movie will be Iron Man 2 and dinner will have to be at one of our new favorites Iron Abby which we went to for the first time on Valentines Day. It will be a good time thanks to the inlaws for taking Sebastian in for the evening. We will end up just spending the night since Mothers Day is Sunday :) My second to be exact! I love saying that.

Speaking of fun things happening for Momma & Dadda-- we are going to 93.3 WMMR's annual MMRBQ concert on the 23rd of this month! Bands like Stone Temple Pilots, Three Days Grace, Alice in Chains & Fuel! All four of these bands are on my favorites list and have not yet seen them in concert so I am very pumped. We are going with Chris, Bobby's younger brother and one of his friends. Skipping in glee just thinking about it! Yayyyy!

Life is great & I'm one happy camper. Oh & remember to stay awesome!

♥A.

on a saturday...

What can I say, today was hot! That being said I was a complete HOT MESS! I'm so glad the nice weather is here and hopefully here to stay but COME ON I can truely do with out the humidity. Sebastian and I went on a little outing to hit up Toys'r'us to do some shopping and once I got into my car I knew it was just Toysrus and then back home. I just can't handle the feeling of being trapped inside a hot air balloon.

Days like these I ask myself what is the point to blow dry and straighten my hair. There isn't a point, so I don't. It's not the best look on me, I'll tell you that much. I'm a natural curly haired gal but the curls aren't pretty. At least I don't think so. Today I did just that, sported the curls up in a claw thingy (I think that's what they're called?).

We got to Toysrus to do some Sprinkler shopping. I had a hard time finding one I liked. I was looking for one that is fun but just simple. Something that he cant destroy or hurt himself with. Because he is a recking ball. No doubt. So, I found this and bought it because it is just that; simple & looks fun!

We tested it out. Sebastian had fun but I don't like it much. The water doesn't spray around crazy like the picture shows. The picture is a big fat liar! I'm taking it back tomorrow and getting a cooler one.

We did however adopt the newest addition to our family & dang it, it was the best $30 I've spent :)

Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger!

Sebastian's face lite up once he saw the whole isle dedicated to Toy Story (his favorite movie at the moment). I saw he had is eye on Buzz and once he got a hold of the box he would NOT let go. So, we took him home with us. Mind you, I had to rip the box out of his hand to let the man at the register scan the barcode. The man at the register was nice enough to be quick about the scanning so Buzz was safe inside Sebastian death grip. Phew! Then once we got in the car I figured I would be a rockin' mom and take Buzz out for him to play on the way home. But, the box was mommy proof. No joke. There was a dozen twist ties and tape all over the place. Buzz was not coming out of the box at least not until we got home. Buzz was still straped in but Sebastian was still able to play with the buttons :) That got us home.

Buzz has not left his side since we got home. He watched Toy Story 2 with Buzz in his lap and even gave Buzz some juice & snack too :) He is one sweet boy if you ask me!

As for Bobby, he was inside our bedroom sleeping. Tonight he had work and was sleeping since the morning. It's hard knowing he is in our bedroom and I try to pretend he isn't so it's easier. But I can't help peeking in on him as he sleeps just to see that he is in there. I let the man sleep for god sake, no questions asked. I don't know how he does this schedule and then the 12 hour shifts are brutal even thinking about. But he does. And I love him for it. Tomorrow evening will be nice to have him home & be able to catch up on our cuddle time :)

My day ended with Sebastian having a Lil' Drummer for dessert.

I'm so happy they made these mini drumsticks. Perfect amount for him and they are just so darn cute. It started out great. He was eating it very neatly until he bit the bottom off...How did he know that the bottom is filled with chocolate? I have no clue but he did. And after that ice cream was dripping onto his belly and pretty much everywhere. It's cool. That's what the bathtub is for! 

By the way, KICK 'N' A PUNCH FOR THE FIRST OF THE MONTH!

May! Already. Geez.

♥A.