on who I am...

I am...

...realizing that I am floating between seeing myself with complete love and being entirely to critical. I would very much love to lose another 15 pounds. Would love if it would happen before summer. Thanks.

...most likely never going to get used to Bobby working nights.  

...thinking it would be awesome to be 17 again. Even if it's just for a little while. I miss the days with my best friend, who is always in my thoughts.

...making a pledge to start buying lots of cute sun dresses and flats for my spring attire.

...thinking more and more about how wonderful it will be to finally get a house. I can't wait for a place to truely call our own. Have my own place to decorate and finally put all my creative ideas in effect.

...craving the Northwest more than ever (thanks to Julee!). I miss all the green. I miss the fresh smell after it rains. I miss the fog. I miss ferry rides. I miss driving on I-5. Most of all I miss my family & friends. Can't wait until the summer :)

...so grateful that I am with a man who's my perfect fit, full of all the ups, downs and all the in-betweens. 

...feeling a little bit frustrated at the stage Sebastian is at-- you know, the one where he attempts to see how much he can get away with before I crack and also laughs in my face because he thinks it's funny that I am getting mad. Uh huh, is this normal or is my kid just...special. My dad's answer to this question would be-- He's a Hulitza, and that everything that I just described used to be me at Sebastian's age. Well, that's just GREAT!

...really wishing I could knock on the downstairs neighbors door and smack both of them with a baseball bat and not go to jail. Do you not understand that your music, video games and tv is much, much too loud? Are you frickin' deaf or something? Mind you it's 11:30pm and I'm in bed actually able to sing along to your stupid music since I can hear the lyrics clear as day. Geez!

...(speaking of) yearning for a more affectionate nighborhood. Don't get me wrong the area is very safe and I love living here, other than the retards downstairs. But it's too quite at times. For example, yesterday I almost expected kids to be running around playing and yelling and or people just to be outside doing stuff. But nope. I guess it's mainly because the whole area is full of old people. Also, It would be nice to befriend a trustworthy highschool babysitter so Bobby and I could get out to dinner or movies more often. Did that just sound as bad as I think it sounded??? Ahem. By befriend I mean meet a nice kid that I would trust to watch Sebastian in my home, and not to mention be cheap. I'm horrible, I know.

...wanting a change to my hair. No, I am not going to chop it off. GOD NO. I can't even think of doing that! I just need something done to it like a cut that will give it a nice shape and some color to brighten it up. I am on a hunt to find something that I will actually do and not back out of. Because my goal at this point is to have my hair grow down to touch my shoulders!! Oh please help me god, I so want my hair to touch my shoulders :)

...a very proud person. I'm straight forward and at times somewhat crude. I don't usually let people get to me but if you are someone that I have the up most respect for I take everything with a extreme sensitivity. I can't explain it more than that.

...giddy when I think that next Friday is the New Moon dvd release party at F.Y.E. Can't wait to get my hands on my very own copy.

...totally going to try to find some afforable, nothing-special bicycles on craigslist for Bobby and I plus find a bicycle seat for Sebastian. I want to go and take bike rides once the weather really starts getting nice. Granted, my legs aren't in the best shape and once we get to the day where we actually ride the bikes I'll probably regret saying all this!

♥A.