who I am

I am...

...happy, exhausted  frustrated, overwhelmed, inspired and just about every emotion that is humanly possible. October is one of my favorite months and because there is so much going on this month it's been a roller coaster of emotions for me. It's ok though. It's actually a really good learning experience. In the past I've had a hard time with being able to juggle a million things at once without feeling unbearably overwhelmed. I always had a hard time asking for help or being able to put something aside and deal with it at another time. Being in school and doing everything else from the time I walk through the door of my home to the time I go to bed has really shaped me as mother and a wife. I'm proud of this! 

...focusing on my next dream, goals & aspiration. 

... thankful for my son. We went to a birthday party the other day and ended up having a horrible experience. I've never had such a strong feeling towards any sort of child like I did at this party when we met a boy that was a year older than Sebastian. The boy was awful! It pains me to even say that about a child but there's really no other words for it. I couldn't help but try to shield Sebastian for this boy's destructive mind. I was so sick to my stomach with everything this boy was doing. The parents weren't there, which was already really odd to me. I couldn't help but count down the minutes until cake and ice cream were done so we could leave. It was such a terrible experience! I can't help wonder what all the other parents were thinking because whatever I was thinking was seriously plastered on my face. It was a shame because the party was wonderful. I even went as far as having a conversation with Sebastian about how the boy was someone I wouldn't want him to play with. The best thing happened after that because Sebastian agreed with me. Thankful for my son and happy that he is starting to be aware of things around him. 

...saddened when negative/hurtful things happen to loved ones. It's especially hard when you can't really do anything for them but be there. I guess that's all you can do somethings. I just worry that it's not enough. 

...happy that my husband is finally starting on his little business venture. He's been talking about it for a while now but it's finally coming together for him. He got some decals put on our car and created business cards as well. Not to forget he got his first payment from a customer last week. So proud of him! I'm thrilled to see him so excited and passionate about something. Please support my husband and go "like" his facebook page and if you know of anyone that needs any performance tuning done on their cars, message my man! 

...counting down the days until I head to up to Snoqualmie Casino for the Label.M 2014 show. Label.M is a London based hair care company. The artistic team will be showcasing their new collection and I'm going in hopes to be a part of it as well as network and try to get my foot into the door, so to speak. A girl can try, right? 

...loving the blog/social media world. I've met so many encouraging people! 

...currently obsessed with all that fall television has to offer. The Originals, Vampire Diaries, American Horror Story, Sons of Anarchy & Walking Dead. Or new shows that I will be tuning into like Constantine and Big Driver. I've even started watching (thanks to my dad and step-mom) The Voice, where I've fallen in love with Pharrell Williams and I of course have the biggest crush on Gwen. 

...looking forward to Halloween/trick or treating, being done with State Boards and having the last month in school to take on as many clients as I can, book club night, the future, a much needed manicure, seeing my little sister's face tomorrow and peaceful mind. 

on a theme word...

I was gifted a really great workbook for Christmas and fell in love with the thoughts that author Leonie Dawson implanted into my brain. It's a fabulous tool to map out goals and dreams for the new year and also takes it a step further and helps to plan things to achieve in your business (if you have one). One of the things she has you think about is a theme word for the year (or a sacred word which is how she describes it!). 

It didn't take long for me to come up with my word. Growth. I knew that this year I want to grow. In so many ways. I hope to grow as a person. I want to grow in taking care of my body. I want to grow in my passions and focus on myself more often. I want to grow as a mother and learn what it means to be a mother and more about what kind of mother I want to be. I yearn to help Sebastian grow. Guide him to be the best, to learn and achieve all the good that he has in him. I want to grow as a wife. I want to be more patient and more open. I want to lift Bobby up and be a cheerleader to all his wants and dreams even if he doesn't think he can make them happen! I want to grow and mold into the person I see when I close my eyes.

I want to grow into my faults, not just know them, but overcome them. We never stop growing but I know now that I want to grow more than ever. I will never be perfect but I want to try to be! Not only do I want to grow but I want to help others grow. I want to see people in my life be the best that they can be. Inspire and encourage them to understand that they don't have to succumb to person they think they need to be. You never have to be that person just because, you chose to be. There's never ever anyone forcing you to be who you are, you can be what you want to be in this life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hate seeing people give up and keep living just because they don't seem to want or now how to grow. Doesn't matter who you are, how old you are or what has happened to you in the past. I believe we can all rise up to ourselves and grow to be a better version of ourselves. To be happy and whole and love ourselves and for others to love us in return.

Growth is my theme word and it's not only my theme word for this year but for the rest of my life. I hope to always grow and learn about myself.

What is your theme word for the year? I could pick so many!!

on that one person...

Have you ever had that one person in your life that's always been there? I do. We met freshman year of high school and ever since that day we had to partner up in History class because we were the only ones lift standing was when our time together started. I've always believed in fate and us meeting was just that. Even after the past seven years of us being apart hasn't really change us together one bit.

I feel like that's the true test. We met downtown today in the cold damp Seattle weather after the snow teased the early morning and it was like we just picked up where we left off. Time has changed us. I have a child. She doesn't. She has a career. I don't yet. But honestly, it's the perfect balance to our souls and that's why I know they are woven together. For all eternity.

Sometimes life isn't complete when you don't have your other half. That one person that makes you feel whole with simply being there next to you. Without any effort.

I don't know. I hope you have someone like that. I know I have a few in my life and those few are very close to me now which is what I think my entire being was pleading for. I feel like I'm floating up above the tall crisp evergreen trees full of happiness of knowing that the people that inspire me the most and love me for who I am are just across the bay. People I know I can trust with my deepest desires, who don't judge my thoughts or actions, who tell me what I need to work on and are honest with me, who only see the good things in life and are kind.

I've got a latter to the stars and I'm climbing it one step at a time.

xoxo.

on trying to be here...

Remember that one time when I used to be here quite often? YEAH I know me neither! What can I say, life is crazy. I think I've said that in the past million posts but truly it is! Instead of writing out a whole bunch of random things I'll put my whole bunch of random things in a neat list, because it will make me feel better about myself. Here I go:

1. The count down for our move to the Pacific Northwest, Poulsbo Washington to be exact, has officially started. I can't believe it's finally here. Our move out there has been in the works for quite a while and before we even starting planning it was talked about years before that. I'm ecstatic to be back with my family and all my friends. We'll be there just in time for Christmas which makes this time of year even more merry for us. I'm happy to be receiving a little break once we get out into Seattle. I don't have any jobs lined up and since my hubby being as successful as he is, who is able to stick with his current job, I will be taking the rest of December off for some R & R. Even though I say rest, I know I won't be! I want to get in as much as I can with catching up with my family and friends, adventuring out around Poulsbo, starting up a running routine every morning, spending quality time with Sebastian and getting school set up for him, and enjoy Christmas like I should. Happy! 

2. I started filling out my FAFSA and hope to start Tony & Guy Hairdressing Academy in February! I've been waiting for this for the past seven years so you can imagine how I must being feeling. I have many hopes, dreams and goals that I want to accomplish in this life but this one was pretty high on my list so I can't wait to dive right in!

3. This is my last week at my sweet little coffee shop that I've been manager of for five years now. It's bittersweet. Actually all of it is bittersweet. I loved working here. I've got to know so many people and it's hard saying goodbye to all my regulars who I see on a daily basic. I know each and every one of their drinks and have them ready before they even hit the register. I've loved working with all the girls (past & present) and we've become a family. It's become such a big part of my life so it's going to be weird not being here anymore. I will forever be a Saxbys barista babe at heart!

4. I signed up for Goody Goody Gift Swap last week. I actually caught wind of it on Instagram when one of friends (I like to call her my friend when really we've never met but she "likes" and comments on my Instagram photos so that makes us friends! Right?) Becca @ Tumbleweedshc posted about it. I immediately got on the site to check it out and signed right up. I fell in love with the idea of meeting someone new and being able to gift them with something handmade. Just yesterday I found out my swap mate is from Italy! How cool is that! Save the site and do it next year with me! 

5. We're back to doing the Elf on the Shelf this year and it's just as fun as last year. I enjoy scheming and planning on what the elf, Jack, will do next. Sebastian get's a kick out of it. This morning he went right up to his classmates at the table and started telling them how Jack was fishing in the bathroom sink this morning! 
People always ask how Sebastian is taking the move and it's really easy to answer because I have a pretty awesome kid! Sebastian is super laid back and is so full of live that it really takes a lot to get him out of sorts. He is as excited as we are to be moving Seattle and is super excited that we are living with my dad, Papa for a little while. 

Lastly, a thought to end with: Why must we do all the things that society demands us to do? Sure, we all have to have jobs and make money because that's the way this world work but honestly, we can do all that and still love doing it! I see so many people that seem to have turned rotten at the core and aren't happy. There's really no excuse for it. I believe that we make our own destiny and we have the power to do what it is we need to do in this life for us to be happy. I wish more people would understand this concept instead of wallowing in self pity about how hard their lives are. And I hope to inspire people to do just that and I think I have, at least a few people in my life currently, which bring such a warm feeling to be able to say that! So get out there, be happy, do what you love and make this life epic! 

xoxo.

on a reboot...

I just finished up my five day juice cleanse on Friday. I am happy to report that I went without any caffeine for about two weeks, so it can be done! I feel amazing to say the least. The first two days were rough but I made sure I stuck with it and by the end of the week my spirits were high! The whole reason I decided to do a five day juice challenge was to push myself to do something out of my comfort zone. I've seen many of my Instagram pals doing their own juice cleanses so I thought it would be a perfect thing to do. Also, after having a pretty stressful month of August I felt like putting my energy and heart into this challenge really rebooted my soul. Not to forget I unintentionally lost eight pounds :) Which is always a very nice benefit. I hope to plan a cleanse at least once a month, and I encourage everyone to try it out. 

In other news, Sebastian is starting a new preschool tomorrow. At the beginning of August we were told last minute that Sebastian didn't have a spot at the preschool he was at so we had to frantically search for a new school for Sebastian to attend for the last three months here in Philadelphia. It was stressful and discouraging but in the end all worked out. He is very excited to meet some new friends and have a change of scenery. 

 I am finding myself feeling very lucky lately to have such an amazing man in my life. We make the best team ever and I'm so excited to start on building our dreams. 

It's crazy how much you can learn about yourself in just a months time. It's now September and we are working hard at packing our apartment up to get it ready for our move. It's always stressful to pack and move but we are making sure that everything is done ahead of time so that towards the end of the month all we have to do is clean and say goodbye. We are rolling with the punches and making things happen! 

xoxo.

on a flashback...

Our two year anniversary is next month. I love looking back at photos of that day, it was utterly perfect in every way.

on some messy thoughts...

Sometimes it's crazy how much people effect people. It can be as simple as a few words or actions. I effect people on a daily basis when handing them a cup of coffee. They smile and walk away with cup of happiness. I wish more people in this world would think before they speak or before they act on the things that they do. We all would be so much happier. I can be really great at not letting things get to me but sometimes it just does. 

Sometimes I wish for life to take things slow and some times I wish life will speed up. 

Sometimes I obsess over the future. One year from now or ten years from now. Where will I be? What will I be doing? What does my hair look like? I dream of the things we will have and the things that we will have done. I picture what street we live on and what house we will live in. I want to do all the things I love and be with all the people that bring the most joy to my life. I can't wait to touch it when it's real. 

Sometimes I want to sit down and write a book, the one that I have written in my heart. It's there but it's hidden. I know when the time is right it will make it's way out. I dream of it and when I wake it's like that hazy cloud you see in movies when they show something in a dream like state. It's a sad story with a happy ending and one that makes you wish it will never end. It will be unlike any story you've ever heard. 

Sometimes I miss things of my childhood. I miss karate and the way I felt when in that place with those people who became a sort of family to me. It's funny because in every chapter in my life I always create these families. Some of them are lost and others I'll keep forever. I miss the smell of the air I breathed when I was a kid, I can almost smell it when I close my eyes, like fresh dew mixed with earth. I wish I knew back then to inhale it and never let it go. 

Sometimes I want to walk up to the people that are no longer in my life and tell them why they are no longer in my life. Why I will never forgive them. Why even if they repent all their wrong doings that I still most likely would not forgive them because my forgiveness has been long forgotten. The trouble is, these people think that they have time. 

Sometimes I look at my son and know that he will be something great. I look in to those dark marble eyes and wonder what he sees. I hope to teach him to be kind and to stand up for his thoughts. For him to follow his heart no matter where it might take him because this life is all we have. I will teach him to be himself in this big world that is always trying to make us be something else.

Sometimes it's never enough. I want a banjo and learn to play it. I want to learn how to speak French, build a chicken coop and take pictures of real wolves in their habitat. I want to find beautiful places that are hidden and secret. And I want to sit on my porch next to my husband with my hand in his and watch the night wash over us. Night after night, after night.

Sometimes I want to be still.

on body modification...

I'm a twenty-four year old mom with tattoos and piercings. I started out in a very strict old fashioned European family. Well, that's basically describing my father. Anyways, it was always frowned upon, and I knew this oh so well because my father never was or will be subtle about anything (and I wonder were I got it from). I always knew that I fancied tattoos and piercings and although I never voiced my liking to my dad, I think he secretly knew I did and just prayed to the heavens that I wasn't going to "do that to my body". For the most part (because I hid my belly button piercing for while and got my nose pierced all the way in Europe, far far away) I respected my dads wish up until my eighteenth birthday when I marched right in and got my first tattoo along with piercing my lower lip. I came home newly inked and my dad's reaction was as expected and then he said something that is still voted #1 most ridiculous things my dad has EVER said to me I hope those come off! Well, no dad. Those two stars that have been tattooed below my collarbones do not come off. OK, so I didn't say that to my red in the face father and just left it at a simple nope. With a big grin of course. 

That's how it started and since than I've gotten a few more tattoos and piercings. I am not heavily tattooed but I know I will be in the next five years. Why? Because I want to be. I've always gotten questioned by my family, friends or just random people about why I have tattoos or my piercings? And I always have a short and simple answer. Because I like it. There's really nothing more to it. Others might have different answers but for me it's just because I like it. And then I'll have a person come back and say well, I still don't get it...Honestly you don't have to. Why do you to eat pizza? Or why do you have a cat instead of a dog? Then most of the time they won't have a comeback to that. Which really, doesn't everything come down to that? We all do the things we do or have the things we have because we want them and like them for whatever the reason. I will never be something that society or culture wants me to be. I've always had a free mind about everything there is in this world. And I know that's how I will raise Sebastian. 

It's totally a different time now but I do know this, I can't picture myself having a mom or a dad all tattooed up. I always will wonder what Sebastian will think when he is older. I'll never know for sure but I do know that all my tattoos are part of me. He knows that it's just how mommy is and right now my "pictures" are cool. Cool mommy, you awesome. When it comes to that time and he's the one coming up to me saying he want to get a tattoo, well, I don't really know what I'll say. I know for sure that nothing is going to be inked on his body until the day he turns eighteen. Other than that I pretty sure I'll be okay with it. He'll always be my baby but once he turns eighteen the choices he makes are his. I know I will guide and oversee and help but what you do is what you do. I only say this because that's how I wanted to be treated at eighteen. 

This world has come so far but I hope that my children and my children's children grow up in a world that doesn't judge people for the way they look. The way we look does not define who we are and I will always teach Sebastian that. Or even preach that to everyone. I'll shout it out and hope that those few people will hear and see how wrong their actions can be. I still to this day get a few side-eye questionable glances my way or comments that really all I can do is laugh at but at the end of the day I am who I am because I want to be and that's that! We are all diverse. Be who you want to be because hell, we only live this life once. Amen. Hallelujah.  

I'm a twenty-four year old mom with tattoos and piercings. And I love it!

xoxo.

on why I blog....

You knew this post was coming. Eh? I feel like every blogger out there has their own special reasons for blogging daily. I've been blogging since 2009 having been inspired by Julee, the author of My Happy Life By The Bay. It started out to really be a dairy and the daily happenings of me and my little family. Having all my family and friends across the country and being a new mother was hard so I wanted to have a way to connect with all of them through my words and photos. Growing up I always kept a handwritten journal (I still have them!!) so beginning Calico Tales came naturally to me. 

Never did I really truly know how much it would inspire me. The same year I started this blog my husband bought me my first SLR camera and so my passion for photography and capturing every moment started. Once Sebastian turned one and a half I went back to work, so the daily stuff sort of stopped and other things flourished. My love for cooking and making things has become one of my number one favorite things to share. I've always loved experimenting in my kitchen and trying new things. Taking photos of lovely foods and showing you all makes me happy. The thought of inspiring someone to get in their kitchen and create what I have shared just gets me all giddy. Also the power of words is so great in my mind. Reading about things that you can relate to can do wonders for our souls. 

Inspiring people is rewarding. I'm sure most bloggers feel this way. Whatever it may be, whether it's sharing great recipes, or crafts & DIY, or even just words that help someone feel good. It's amazing how much a blog can become part of your life. Not just does a blog provoke great things for others, but also for yourself. For me it's been such an amazing creative outlet. It lets me do things that I never really would of ever thought I would do or share. Plus the knowledge that I've acquired is beyond overwhelming! Just this year I created my own blog template. Okay, it's definitely not what some of these other blogs are out there and I'm fine with that, but it's just fun that I created it. It's feels good and the thought of what I will be able to create next year takes it to a whole new level. 

The blog community is huge. NO. It's colossal! Woah, I was blown away when I went to my first BlogHer last summer. SO many wonderful inspiring people who share their story in so many different ways. I just love that sense of togetherness. Bloggers love other bloggers. We all feed off of each others ingenuity and passions. Then we take it and spit out what we got from it in our own ways. Never ending circle of becoming better writers, photographers, bakers, thing makers, overall better people! It's fun and exciting to be part of it. I like the thought of some random person stumbling upon my blog, to the post with the recipe like my baked ziti I just made last week and cooking it up for dinner for their family makes all of it worth it. 

Just in the past month I've become more outgoing through blogs. Reaching out to people and saying hey. It's been quite humbling because a lot of the ladies I look up to, who have beautiful blogs, actually reach back out! Awesome man. 

I blog because I love it. Simple as that. Everyone does it for different reasons and those reasons often change. But no matter what it might be or whatever the reason is, I always hope people do it because they love it. So, did I get you thinking about starting your own blog? I'm serious. Do it. Whatever it may be because I bet you someone out there wants to read about it! 

High-Five to all the bloggers, blog readers and people who do what they love in this life! Show some love and post a link with your blog or a blog you love in the my comments :) 

xoxo. 

on good for the soul...

I had a lovely day off yesterday. I called it my "me day". I've been looking forward to it for weeks and told myself it would be a day full of things that I love. No stress, no worries just me, myself and I. And that it was! The day started out with some amazing Guatemalan coffee in my French Press. Then I took a shower and prettied myself up. It's always a treat to be able to have the whole house to myself with my music up way too loud and able to take my time in getting myself ready. This rarely happens and that's mostly my fault because I always make myself feel rushed. 

I knew I wanted to get a manicure so that was next. I love manicures and I always make it a point to visit my local nail salon at least once a month. I don't have long nails but since I work with my hands it's nice have them get some love. And the little Asian ladies give them the lovin' they need! Wait. Huh? You know what I mean. The salon I go to is my favorite. You can always tell that they enjoy what they do there and it really shows when they put their whole hearts into making your hands pretty. Sweetness. 

I had some really fun gift cards still from Christmas that I haven't spent so I was off to the holy grail of all malls, well around here at least, King of Prussia. It's huge. Biggest mall I've been to with all the stores you can ever need and all in one spot. I'm not kidding you when I say that I pretty much scaled every inch of the mall. Went to clothing store and shopped. Even went into stores that I've always wanted to go into but ever had a chance. Stores that I knew I wouldn't buy anything from because let's face it, I'm poor. But it was nice. I swooned and oohed and awed. 

Lunch was at Cheesecake Factory. By.My.Self. Geez, have you ever walked into a sit-down restaurant to eat alone. Awkward much? But you know what, it was amusing and I was totally loving it. Even the two old ladies sitting across from me who were giving me the side eye didn't even bother me! I had my favorite chicken salad sandwich with a green salad and diet Pepsi, I paid and was on my way to the next adventure...

Les Misérables. I read the book and was very excited for musical drama. It was beautiful. My breath was taken away by the singing of Anne Hathaway and Huge Jackman. Russel Crowe was a little odd but it worked for me. It was so out there to see him in a role like this one that I couldn't help but appalled him for it. Of course you will shed tears because come on, it's a brilliant story! The coolest thing for me was all the singing. Every breath these actors and actresses uttered were in song. So frickin' cool man. It's a long movie and I totally think people will either love it or hate it. But for me it was magical. 

That was my day. Writing it down like this it almost seems like I really do much but I guess that was the goal. Days like yesterday happen maybe once a year and boy does it rejuvenate the soul.  I came home after the movie with a smile on my face and a soul that felt like it could take on the world. Good for the soul. Soul. Soul. Soul. I love my soul and your soul. 

Do something that's good for your soul. 

xoxo.

on today's randomness...

Sometimes days are random. Today is one of those days. It's funny how I can get totally turned around when my routine is changed. Like today, at work I'll be closing instead of working in the morning like every other day. I did have to wake up and tell myself do not drop Sebastian off at school then drive to work. Do not do it! because I know I would have done that if I didn't keep repeating. Days like today are a treat and it was totally nice not to have to run and drag Sebastian out the door this morning. Not only that but being able to take the time to do my makeup is just so nice!

...I found the perfect mint colored slouchy hat at Target. I feel like Target has the coolest things ever! I went through a period of time when I felt like I was always missing all the good things. Has that ever happened to you? You find a cute top or some really sweet flats yet they don't have your size. Ugh. Happened all the time to me but my luck has changed. Not sure if that is a good or a bad thing because really since my luck has change my wallet has become a bit lighter. Hmmm. Wonder why?

...Pretty excited about tomorrow. You all know what tomorrow is right? If you don't -- we are not friends. Just kidding. Twilight Saga marathon. Woot woot. It will be a long day of fun all leading up to the grand finale. The very last movie. Tear. 

...Can't wait for Thanksgiving. It is going to be epic. I just got done watching Rachael Ray's show and she was showing the top ways to cook a turkey. The top three were deep frying, grilling and obviously roasting. I've always roasted and so has my family. I do want to try out the other two ways at least once. I always love watching Rachael around the Holidays not only because of how she puts a different spin on things but also because she gives really great tips! Today she had a good tip about roasting two medium turkeys instead of one huge turkey. When roasting two, it takes less time and there's more meat! Plus you can carve one turkey right when it's done and leave the other one whole and display in the middle of the table until you need more meat. Festive! I'll be making my famous Spectacular Pumpkin Pie and also I'll be trying out a new recipe Mushroom and Leek Bread Pudding. 

...I know I say I am excited about Thanksgiving but I know when the day comes I'm going to have to try my hardest to really truly enjoy it knowing that I'll be waking up at 4am the next day to start serving some crazy shoppers with their caffeine fix. Black Friday is not my favorite thing. I've never been the Black Friday shopper but always the poor girl handing out what helps the masses keep spending their money. COFFEE. All you business out there, bow down to me!! 

...Today is National Kindness Day. What you didn't know? Let's be kind and most of all kind to yourself!

xoxo.

on this birthday of mine...

I'm twenty-four years old today! Hurray! Today is for snuggling on the couch, not doing a single chore around the house, spending time catching up on my favorite television shows, painting my nails and cooking food. This birthday is for relaxing!
xoxo

on recent thoughts...

(a result of taking self portraits while practicing manual mode on my camera)

Loving\\ How beautifully Sebastian is flouring in his speech! It gets me all excited. He has been working hard at it for a good two years now. As a parent it is such a great feeling knowing that after all the help we are getting for him and all the learning on our part that it's truly doing wonders. It's so funny that in our lives everything is revolved around speech.  If you lived with us you would most likely think we have some screws loose! We emphasize on language in every aspect of our lives. For Sebastian it's the matter of slowing words down. Once the word is slowed down he has no problem saying it back. We are trying to build on that knowledge and do all that we possibly can in order for him to be right on track for the start of school. Kindergarten. I'm shaking in my boots just saying that, since Kindergarten is only a couple years away. Holy shish kabob. 

Anticipating\\ Me and my fella's one year anniversary! I cannot believe it. Not to mention this year is going by crazy fast. I mean April is already basically here and May shortly behind it. We are planning on going on a elongated weekend of R&R. We chose this lovely bed & breakfast on the Eastern Shore in Maryland. We found out about this b&b from my parent-in-laws that introduced it to us last year and of course I was instantly swooning over it. Alas, us deciding on celebrating our first year of marriage there. It will be located on the other side of St. Michael's and so we will be having ourselves many ferry rides across the water along with: bike rentals, a sail boat ride, a photo shoot and food devouring! 

Listening to\\ Anyone obsessing over I Heart Radio as much as I am? Particularly the Snow Patrol station. Oh you are? Good I thought I was the only one. Not sure what it is but I have my stations under my thumb, man. I tell it what to play and that's what it plays. No if, ands or buts. I'm boss. No really, I heart, I Heart Radio. 

Eating\\ A PB&J sandwich. Don't judge. With a tummy ache that is all that I ever want. Although a girl can dream and desire some of these great looking foods 1\2\3. 

Wishing\\ I could transport myself back to the Northwest. 

on some thoughts...

I've hardly been very talkative lately. I feel like not much has been said. There's really no reason for it either. Sometimes I just get tucked up in my own head and lack the motivation to write. It's actually quite strange because I feel like in my head I am constantly writing. I'm always in there reciting things as they form inside my brain but then the whole process of me typing all of it down just fails. So here is my attempt to regurgitate all of my thoughts in no particular order.

In any case, life has been good. Well, sort of. I seriously don't understand why in the hell we got snow yesterday. Yes, you heard me right SNOW! And it's not even NOVEMBER yet?? Are you flipping kidding me people? All jokes aside, this is the last straw. Philadelphia is evil. Sorry everyone that I know and love here. But snow in October is absurd. Don't ruin my lovely Fall experience and bring snow along. No way.

I've been kept busy with working more hours this week than usual, a little boy who has been very chipper of late (not to mention he woke up at 6:40am yesterday wanting to play the new Batman game I bought his father), lots of laundry that has yet to be folded, and a do-to list a mile high. Long list short I've been busy. It might not sound busy to you but for this girl it is!

Speaking of work, Holidays are just around the corner and along with the Holiday cheer my anxiety starts to kick in. We've already received the Holiday hours, since we're in the mall they fluctuate a lot. And from now on until after New Years that little sheet with those hours will be my bible. I live it and breath it. From now on I'll be hiring and making up mock schedules and going bananas. But in the end after all the craziness I really enjoy the Holidays in the mall. Everyone is so happy :) Not to mention the tips are great. And yes, I am grinning ear to ear by the thought.

I'm finally at the half way mark in The Stand. Should I be embarrassed that it's taking me so long? I do know that I haven't been able to dedicate too much of my time to this book but seriously it starting to feel like I will never finish it. It's an amazing book though and I'm constantly reminded of how incredible Stephen King is, I mean, how in the heck can you come up with all of this stuff! It amazes me beyond belief. I will finish it...eventually.

I'm sure you all knowing Breaking Dawn will be here in no more than twenty days. Hurrah! In utter happiness of this event I am holding a Twilight Slumber Party at my house the weekend before the release. There will be popcorn, drinks, food, and vampire boys who sparkle I mean we'll be watching all of the Twilight Saga. Not to forget my Twilight trivia games :) I've been scheming this for a while now and even though just a few of my girls are coming over I am freakishly excited about. I'll even go to the lengths of kicking my boys out of the house. Mean Mommy. Don't worry they won't be kicked out onto the curb, they have a nice warm home to go to. As much as I would love to see Breaking Dawn at the midnight showing in reality I'm getting a bit old for it. Don't laugh. Being a mother and having to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just isn't as easy anymore. And the youngsters I find just end up pissing me off with their obnoxious giggling. So alas I will be going the week after were I'll be the only one in the world who hasn't seen the greatest movie ever made. I'm made my peace with it.

Yet again it's also time for my Holiday blues. I miss my family & friends from back home much more this time of year than ever. It can get hard some days. Lately I've been missing my little sister who by the way isn't so little anymore. I'm very proud of her for doing great in the hairdressing academy she is attending. She is excelling with such speed and is already coloring clients hair!! Plus I am totally jealous of her funky fun hair :)

Well, it's Sunday and Sebastian wouldn't have this zombie feeling mother to sleep in much today so I best be off and start on my chores of the day. Since the snow is still on the ground we won't be going much anywhere until the sun melts it all. Tomorrows Halloween and there's lots of fun to be had. Rest up everyone!!

♥A.

on being far & thankful...

Sometimes it can get hard being so far away from some of the most important people to me. Both family & friends. Some days are harder than others. When I first moved out to Philly I never would of thought I would ever have these feelings. Oh no not me. I don't need anyone. I kept everyone in my back pocket. They were missed but they were still right there. Close enough. Now I feel like I'm lost at times. 


Sadness can take over and at times like that I just pick up my phone and dial the first person that my heart picks. I can't always do this without that gut wrenching ache. But most of the time after getting off the phone I feel good. I feel like that piece of me that was lost was whole again. Even if the phone call was only three minutes long, it still makes me smile. 
I can't help be so thankful for all things in my life. Nothing better than a gratitude list to end my day :)


I'm thankful for:
staying after working to chat with Ashley on typical girl stuff
Pinterest and all it's inspiration it gives me
brittany's performance of "Run the World" on last weeks Glee episode 
a little boy with such an imagination 
technology
baby feet
a caring husband 
cute music video directed by Drew Barrymore
the sound of the rain beating on the roof
very loving in laws 
burgundy colored mums on my porch 
love is the answer to most questions in my heart
you.

♥A.

on mommy guilt...

Oh lord, the Mommy guilt.

Some days are not so peachy keen. Sebastian and I start the day having polar opposite moods. I am drained, tired and cranky. He has super energy, his listening/obeying skills are out of whack and everything has to be shoved in my face. Yes, I agree. Not the best combinations.

Most days all this wouldn't bother me as much. You know I like to always keep in mind that he is three years old and I just need breath through it and keep calm. But other days like yesterday I just can't. It can get to the point were everything irritates me and then that's when I do things that create Mommy guilt.

Creating a zoo out of my living room, using the furniture as if were a play set, shoving things into my face in order to get attention (when I am very much alert), not wanting to eat but junk food all day, throwing tantrums when I don't allow the consumption of junk food, refusing to take a nap yet then when I put him in the car to run an errand he falls asleep as soon as the last buckle clicks. And then laughing in my face when he deliberately does something he knows he can't.

That's when I am brought to do things like yell or send him to his room for a time out as he sits on his bed and forces himself to scream. Then I slump on the couch and cry. I cry because I wish the day would end, I cry because I don't understand why he is acting the way he is, I cry because I had the feelings I have, I cry because I fear that I am a horrible mother. I cry because I just want to be alone. And I cry because I feel guilty.

Later on I called my dad. Which seems to be a reoccurring thing when I have tough days. I told him how I was feeling and this is what he told me-- Being a mother is a hard job. I bet Sebastian has so many more good days than bad ones. And all these feelings you are have doesn't make you a bad mother but a GOOD one. He is a wise man. Even though those words are simple one they were what I need to hear. They gave me strength.


Mommy guilty is a funny thing. There are so many different forms of it. Like when I give Sebastian too many treats and he is all sugar high just because he's just too darn cute when he asks for them pleez mommy-- I get guilty. Or when secretively some days I don't like going to the play ground because I have to keep close watch so my huge kid doesn't knock down the poor little kids and because I hate getting all sweaty while running around after him-- I feel guilty. And then there's that Mommy guilt that is sort of on accident like the other day I totally shut the door in Sebastian's face ON ACCIDENT and well, it hurt. Those big crocodile tears streaming down his sweet face all from an accident caused by me. BAM. Mommy guilt. Ya feel me?

So, later there I was in bed next to my husband and Sebastian in his room sound asleep thinking to myself boy, today was ridiculous yet I wouldn't change it for the world! I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are human. Yes, Mommies are human too. I know we seem super human at times but I assure you we are just like you. That bad days happen and that it's okay. It's OKAY. Because tomorrow is a new day and you lived through it and learned.

Mommy guilt is the worst :) But when he's 18 I bet I'll be looking back at these days wishing they weren't so far away.

♥A.

on one thing I know for sure...

One thing I know for sure after the some odd years of my life is that being positive in every aspect in my life is the best that I can do to maintain my happiness. Don't get me wrong not every day is a positive one. Some days I totally need to give myself a pep talk or take a step back and just breathe it out. We all have our downer days. But the best part of having a positive attitude is that when you do feel like all that negativity is coming, and the positive sets in and washes all the bad away. It's become a lot easier to do this at the stage in life I am now. 


Rewind six years and I was not the same person I am now. But who is! Negative was all I was. It seeped out of me like oily filth. I grew up with a constant negative persona of life. Parents hated each other. Alcoholism was present in my house hold for as long as I can remember (or really until there was no house hold at all) and with all that it made me just as negative as everything around me. It wasn't so much as something I could help as it was just in my lifestyle.  I turned into a student that didn't care about school and eventually turned into a person that just flat out disliked life in general. 


Until I met some of the most positive people I can ever know. Julee & Glen. Yeah you! They showed me love. Love with no boundaries. They didn't care the way I looked or dressed or what sort of music I liked to listen to. They cared for me because of the person I was and saw only the good. Something my own parents at the time could not even do for me. And so I slowly became a better person. I finished school and focus on work and learned a heap of things that now have helped me be where I am. 


My father had many misfortunate things occur and I understand. I was right next to him every step of the way and so I have a hard time criticizing his negative ora somethings. Still to this day he has a tendency to drift toward all that ugly stuff. I try to be his positive light :) Just like I had when I needed it, I try to be there when he needs it. 


There is one thing I know for sure and it's that we chose how to live our lives. To bring up my kids with the up most positive way is all I want in this life. For them to step foot out in the world with their wings spread wide open and conquer whatever may come their way knowing that a positive way is a strong-willed way. 


But then what do I know :) 

♥A.

on being natural...

Summer is here. The humidity is here. The natural hair is here.

My hair is naturally wavy. As it gets longer the waves tend to be less, when it is short or super short the tight springy curls come out. None the less, I always blow dry and strengthen my hair. Now that summer is here I find myself not having the energy to do so--because this is what happens out in the humidity (with in a few seconds). 

 Not to mention that it's a complete frizz-ball!

That's my natural hair though, it is what it is. Oh, and that's my natural face too. No make-up. Go me! Sometimes I wonder what people really look like when their hair isn't done all nice and pretty, when they don't have a lick of paint on their face, or when they aren't wearing their Anthropologie. A lot of these bloggers out there are getting millions of view on their site with them dressing up in pretty clothes or doing their hair all sexy but that's not real, at least not all the time. It's nice to see the natural you. And this is what I look like when I'm at home hanging out with my toddler :) What do you look like when you're home? 

♥A.

on ten things...

I am in serious list-making mode-- here are ten things you may or may not know about me.

1. Growing up I lived on a mini farm. Yes indeed. We had sheep, chickens & geese. At one point we almost had close to a dozen sheep. I always loved seeing the mommy sheep bellies grow with sheep babies. And after school I'd hurry up to the barn to see if any wee ones were running around. They were always the cutest things ever. I crave that every now and than and sort of wish Sebastian could have a child hood full of farm animals :) 

2. I haven't be on speaking terms with my "mother" for over 6 years now. After a messy divorce between my parents, I made a choice to not have anything to do with her or have her do anything with me due to many negative things cased because of her selfishness. Although many years have passed, I am reminded countless times that she has not changed one bit! I am more than content with all this though.

3. Sometimes I have a hard time balancing life. Between work, being a mother and a wife. Writing and reading. Being healthy and living carefree. Being the best at everything in my life and then not going insane. Loving others and loving my self. Most days I feel defeated. But really all I need to do is look at Sebastian & Bobby and then I feel whole again. They are my balance.

4. I really have a hard time staying up past 10pm. It's a problem. Or is it? Not sure. I've always been like this. I always went to bed around 9ish when I was in school. I would read a book in bed to make me sleepy. But still as the years pass I have such a hard time. It can sometimes be annoying especially when I am trying to watch a movie and can't help falling asleep! On the flip side I am very much a morning person. I guess you just can't have both. Mmmmm.

5. Been experiencing some baby fever lately. No I am not pregnant nor going to be any time soon!! You can breathe now. I mostly feel this way whenever we are around little Lilly (Sebastian baby cousin) and I see how wonderful Sebastian is with her. How gentle he is and every ounce of love that he shows towards her. My heart melts every time. I just can't help think how cute he will be when he becomes a big brother :)

6. I am one hundred percent Hungarian. I'm sure most of you already know that but those of you who are new here might not. Because there are so many of you...yes, that's my sarcasm at work. Anyways, I have two half sisters from when my dad was first married who live in Hungary. I don't keep in touch with them as much as I wish I did over the years.

7. When I am sick or simply not feeling well my comfort food of choice is PB&J! Nothing else can enter my mouth. It is the only thing that will make me feel better. I like my bread slightly toasted with peanut butter on one side and grape jelly on the other.

8. Did you know that I'm a barista?! If you didn't know this then you should seriously be ashamed of yourself. My very first job, while I was still in high school, was at a place called Great Harvest Bread Company. There aren't a lot around (a least out here in Philly there isn't). Which is a shame because they are the best. Great Harvest was mainly a bakery where we sold yummy breads and sweet desserts but also we offered Peet's Coffee and made lattes. That is where my coffee career truly started! Since then I've been with Bucks County Coffee out here in Philly which I adored and then now with Saxbys Coffee that actually bought out Bucks County. I've been a Manager at both companies. I know everything there is to know about coffee. I have acquired over the years the talent of Latte Art. Yes, be jealous. Other than that I know for a fact that when it's time for me to hang up the barista apron (I don't really wear one) it's going to be a pretty sad day. Not being around coffee will take some getting used to. But until then I supply people with their much need liquid crack, as I like to call it, and making them happy!

9. Now here's something even people that are pretty close to me might not know! When I was younger I was a hardcore Hungarian dancer! What, you mean you've never heard of Hungarian dancing. Come on! Ha. I don't blame you. Totally random. But back in the old days my family would get together with all the Hungarian folk in Seattle. We would gather and eat, talk and drink. Christmas was one of the biggest gatherings year round and we little kids would preform our traditional Hungarian dances in front of the crowd of people. We would be in our little traditional Hungarian outfits and I remember feeling like a true girl in that skirt with all the layers and how the tulle made it all puffy. Twirling in that skirt was the funnest. One of these days I'll dig up a picture of me in my proud moments of Hungarian dancing glory.

10. I watch Phineas & Ferb all the time with Sebastian. Don't judge me. We love that show :)

♥A.

on confessions....

I confess...

...that I am at work and blogging. Don't tell my boss. 

...that I've worn that same black shirt to work for most of the week. Not entirely sure why, because I have plenty of shirts.

...I got my nails done twice in less than a weeks time at Tiffany's. Just so I can get the hot stone massage!

...that I am getting MORE blonde in my hair today. It has become a little obsession. 

...I said that I was going fake tan before my wedding so I am not the same shade of pale white as my wedding dress. But still haven't made the time to start. Oh well, the pale look is 'in' right now anyways. Right?

...that this weeks diet mostly consisted of sweet things. Don't judge. 

...the first thing I did when I got into work today was turn on CNN to watch the Royal Wedding. Kate's dress was breathing taking!

...that I must have made Sebastian give me at least 5 kisses this morning before I dropped him off at daycare. I am so happy that he isn't sick of them yet, because I don't know what I would do with out them. They give me strength!

...I missed Vampire Diaries last night and didn't have a panic attack. Proud of myself :)

What are your confessions? Come on, tell me! 

♥A.